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Deangelo: "That’s the way it goes." Michael: "Man, he is late. I’m gonna call him. Do you mind? I’m sorry. [calls Deangelo, Deangelo’s phone vibrates]" Deangelo: "Excuse me. Hello? You running late?"
Michael: No, I’m here. I’m right… I’m at the bar.
Deangelo: "Excuse me. Hello? You running late?" Michael: "No, I’m here. I’m right… I’m at the bar." Deangelo: "I’m at the bar too."
Michael: You are? What bar?
Deangelo: "I’m at the bar too." Michael: "You are? What bar?" Deangelo: "I’m at the bar. The bar that’s located in the lobby of the hotel."
Michael: I… do not see you.
Deangelo: "I’m at the bar. The bar that’s located in the lobby of the hotel." Michael: "I… do not see you." Deangelo: "How long have you…"
Michael: I’m been here about… gosh, over half an hour.
Deangelo: "How long have you…" Michael: "I’m been here about… gosh, over half an hour." Deangelo: "Ok, me too."
Michael: What’re you wearing?
Deangelo: "Ok, me too." Michael: "What’re you wearing?" Deangelo: "I am wearing a grey suit, red tie."
Michael: Are we both at the right place?
Deangelo: "I am wearing a grey suit, red tie." Michael: "Are we both at the right place?" Deangelo: "Which place?"
Michael: I hear your voice.
Deangelo: "Which place?" Michael: "I hear your voice." Deangelo: "I hear your voice, I see your lips moving."
Michael: I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott.
Deangelo: "I hear your voice, I see your lips moving." Michael: "I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott." Deangelo: "Deangelo Vickers."
Michael: Wow… that is insane! [laughter]
Deangelo: "Deangelo Vickers." Michael: "Wow… that is insane! [laughter]" Deangelo: "That is insane, that is the right term. Let’s get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend."
Michael: [entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready?
Deangelo: "That is insane, that is the right term. Let’s get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend." Michael: "[entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready?" Deangelo: "I am ready."
Michael: Alright! Here we go!
Deangelo: "[blinds roll down, Deangelo waving]" Michael: "Come on out!" Deangelo: "Hello! [opens door] How are you sir?"
Michael: I am well, sir, how are you?
Dwight: "Thanks for meeting me." Michael: "Are you kidding? I’d come anywhere to see a turtle? Where’d you find him." Dwight: "There’s no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here."
Michael: You know me very well, Dwight.
Dwight: "There’s no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here." Michael: "You know me very well, Dwight." Dwight: "That’s because I’m your right-hand man, Michael, but I can’t do it again. I can’t do it again for a whole new guy."
Michael: Now I’m gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I’ll be off all day.
Deangelo: "I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I’ve got to start doing some managing at some point." Michael: "I know, I know, I’m sorry, but if it’s not a big deal we should just-" Deangelo: "And it really isn’t."
Michael: Is that good?
Deangelo: "I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me." Michael: "[to Erin] Shave me. [walks into office with Deangelo] This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!" Deangelo: "Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp rev...
Michael: And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael’s face, none on the neck]
Deangelo: "Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It’s not even close." Michael: "And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael’s face, none on the neck]" Deangelo: "Alright. This is how we...
Michael: It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.
Deangelo: "No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable." Michael: "Oscar, here you go. [throws sandwitch]" Deangelo: "[uses book to stop the sandwitch’s flight] You’re getting nut particles all in the air!"
Michael: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.
Deangelo: "[uses book to stop the sandwitch’s flight] You’re getting nut particles all in the air!" Michael: "No one had a problem with the air here until you came around." Deangelo: "[steps into conference room] Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now."
Michael: No, that’s good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. [disgusted comments by co-workers] No body go in there. Stay where you are.
Deangelo: "[walks out] Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or…?" Michael: "I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you’ll be f...
Michael: Ok. [hugs Deangelo from behind] Why did you have to be so damn good?
Deangelo: "Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you’re leaving. [extents hands for hug] Bring it in, come on. [Michael doesn’t accept hug] Ok. [walks back]" Michael: "Ok. [hugs Deangelo from behind] Why did you have to be so damn good?" Deangelo: "I… I’m adequete. I’m half as good a...
Michael: No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it.
Erin: "Oh hey, didn’t see you." Michael: "You have big plans for tonight?" Erin: "I don’t know, maybe volunteer at the shelter, or go to bed, or… I don’t know. Maybe I’m going to the Dundies!! [Flashes her Nomination Certificate]"
Michael: You are getting so funny! [Erin giggles] Very good.
Dwight: "Just a little announcement folks, remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair." Michael: "Black tie optional." Dwight: "Every day is black tie optional!"
Michael: A la, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies!
Deangelo: "Thank you Michael, uh, but I will have to pass." Michael: "Think of it as part of your training." Deangelo: "Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay…"
Michael: [smiling] Okay, well we’ll work on it.
Deangelo: "Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay…" Michael: "[smiling] Okay, well we’ll work on it." Deangelo: "[whispers to Michael] Michael, I’m very, very bad."
Michael: You are doing it.
Deangelo: "That is true, we do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a-" Michael: "[cutting him off] Okay, okay. You know what, I didn’t actually lose my keys…" Deangelo: "This did not happen."
Michael: Mmmmkay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it’s all rat and no tat. Ryan come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay. [Ryan stands next to Michael up front] Ryan how are you today?
Deangelo: "[laying down, Michael is sitting on DeAngelo’s stomach bouncing up and down in Michael’s office] Me mo. Me mo." Michael: "Good. Good. Good!" Deangelo: "Meee Mo, Mee!"
Michael: Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.
Deangelo: "Meee Mo, Mee!" Michael: "Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood." Deangelo: "When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them."
Michael: [getting off his stomach] Too personal. I don’t wanna hear about it. [picking up a portable tape player] Let’s try this. Put these on. [DeAngelo puts the headphones in] I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can’t- [DeAngelo winces] That’s right, you’re not going to be able to h...
Deangelo: "When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them." Michael: "[getting off his stomach] Too personal. I don’t wanna hear about it. [picking up a portable tape player] Let’s try this. Put these on. [DeAngelo puts the headphones in] I am going to turn this on,...
Michael: Say it with an accent!
Deangelo: "THE DUNDIES ARE-OW-ABOUT COMING TOGETHER! AND RECOGNIZING, THE ADOMINABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT! [Jim comes and closes the door]" Michael: "Say it with an accent!" Deangelo: "[bad Australian accent attempt] THE DUNDIES!"
Michael: [also in a poor Australian accent] The Dundies!
Deangelo: "Go do it by yourself, get Ryan." Michael: "No, Ryan would never do it. It’s too on the radar. Look, look. The boss, hosts, the Dundies! It’s sort of our perk!" Deangelo: "This was not, part of the job description!"
Michael: Listen to me, you’re not doing this for me, you’re not doing this for you, you’re not even doing this for them!
Deangelo: "This was not, part of the job description!" Michael: "Listen to me, you’re not doing this for me, you’re not doing this for you, you’re not even doing this for them!" Deangelo: "Who am I doing this for?"
Michael: [slaps him] You’re doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid’s menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do, is I want you to say: It’s showtime. Get out there.
Deangelo: "I can’t. [Michael slaps him again]" Michael: "Say it." Deangelo: "Stop, hitting me."
Michael: You can do it, just say it.
Deangelo: "Stop, hitting me." Michael: "You can do it, just say it." Deangelo: "Hit me again. [Michael slaps him once more]"
Michael: Now hit me. [DeAngelo slaps him] One, two, three.
Jim: "Wow! I do not parent for the award but I gotta tell you It feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you’re watching this at home it’s way past your bedtime, by the way how’d this get televised?" Michael: "Well done." Jim: "I don’t know maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don’t know, I don’t know. Tha...
Michael: Alright. [all applaud Jim]
Deangelo: "THAT’S WHY IT’S BEEN SHUT DOWN FOR MOST OF THE EVENING…" Michael: "[stopping Manager] DeAngelo is expressing himself. [manager pulls the microphone cable, everyone can still here DeAngelo." Deangelo: "This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It’s so much lighter!"
Michael: Okay, we’re done! That’s it.
Deangelo: "This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It’s so much lighter!" Michael: "Okay, we’re done! That’s it." Deangelo: "Michael, are we?!"
Michael: We’re done. We’re done!
Jim: "I don’t know that we need to dissect it all now, but-" Michael: "That got a big laugh." Jim: "That did. Pretty huge laugh."
Michael: [to Stanley, who is cracking up again] You were laughing right?
Dwight: "I’ve got a treat for you!" Michael: "Ahh, thank you. Like a butler." Dwight: "Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters."
Michael: [Michael takes one and bites] Oh, these do not taste like oysters.
Dwight: "Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters." Michael: "[Michael takes one and bites] Oh, these do not taste like oysters." Dwight: "[angrily] That’s because they’re Not oysters, they’re bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! [Michael spits it out] Hah!"
Michael: Sick freak! What is wrong with you?
Dwight: "[angrily] That’s because they’re Not oysters, they’re bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! [Michael spits it out] Hah!" Michael: "Sick freak! What is wrong with you?" Dwight: "What is wrong with you? I’m the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn’t recommend me?!"
Michael: I don’t own Dunder Mifflin, okay? [Dwight scoffs] The job was not mine to give. [sighs] Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies.
Dwight: "What is wrong with you? I’m the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn’t recommend me?!" Michael: "I don’t own Dunder Mifflin, okay? [Dwight scoffs] The job was not mine to give. [sighs] Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies." Dwight: "...
Michael: Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket…
Dwight: "Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?" Michael: "Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket…" Dwight: "Great idea."
Michael: …in order to feed the bears.
Dwight: "Great idea." Michael: "…in order to feed the bears." Dwight: "Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!"
Michael: How do you mean?
Dwight: "Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!" Michael: "How do you mean?" Dwight: "Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pant...
Michael: Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?
Deangelo: "I mean you don’t have a job lined up, so it’s not like you have a desk to put ’em on." Michael: "Well I have interviews." Deangelo: "That’s nice. [reaches and a grabs a toy truck] How ’bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might… glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens...
Michael: Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure.
Deangelo: "That’s nice. [reaches and a grabs a toy truck] How ’bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might… glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. [Michael gives an obviously fake smile] You okay?" Michael: "Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure." Deangelo...
Michael: Oh you don’t, that’s-
Deangelo: "You know what? Uh, it’s your last couple days, I’m gonna get out of your hair." Michael: "Oh you don’t, that’s-" Deangelo: "I will be in the break room."
Michael: That sounds good. Thank you.
Deangelo: "I will be in the break room." Michael: "That sounds good. Thank you." Deangelo: "Dead man walking."
Michael: Sad? No, no, no. I don’t leave ’til tomorrow, so… Tomorrow I will be a wreck.
Pam: "[surprised] Okay." Michael: "Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright?" Pam: "Should we get toppings?"
Michael: What do you like Pam?
Pam: "Should we get toppings?" Michael: "What do you like Pam?" Pam: "[confused] What?"
Michael: What kind of toppings would you like?
Pam: "[confused] What?" Michael: "What kind of toppings would you like?" Pam: "Hot fudge?"
Michael: Sounds good. Fudge it up! [all seem surprised at Michael’s behavior]
Phyllis: "It’s almost done, but you can’t get them wet, and they can’t be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool." Michael: "[hesitantly] Sounds great, I just think it’s great. Oh, I have gifts as well! [goes into his office and comes out with a bag] And I...
Michael: Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. [gives Stanley a small felt table] May you never lose the fun loving quality in life.
Andy: "I’m gonna lose ’em." Michael: "You’re not gonna lose them." Andy: "I promise you that I will."
Michael: Just do your best! I have faith in you.
Angela: "Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading." Michael: "Who’s that? Who’s that guy? [points to second guy in the pictures]" Angela: "Oh, that’s Thomas, Robert’s aide."
Michael: I guess this could be the one, huh?
Holly: "[on phone] Hello there!" Michael: "Hi. What is the name of our town?" Holly: "Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
Michael: No, no. I just needed to hear your voice.
Holly: "Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?" Michael: "No, no. I just needed to hear your voice." Holly: "[Yoda voice] Oh you mean this?"
Michael: [laughing] Yes. [Olive Oyl impression] Yes my hero!
Holly: "[Yoda voice] Oh you mean this?" Michael: "[laughing] Yes. [Olive Oyl impression] Yes my hero!" Holly: "[deep man voice] I’ll pay the rent! [Michael laughs] Okay, my mom’s looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It’s a joke mom!"
Michael: [laughing] Ohh, I miss you.
Holly: "[deep man voice] I’ll pay the rent! [Michael laughs] Okay, my mom’s looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It’s a joke mom!" Michael: "[laughing] Ohh, I miss you." Holly: "Well I’ll see you tonight. I’ll pick you up outside baggage claim."
Michael: Okay. I’ll see you tonight. I love you.
Holly: "Well I’ll see you tonight. I’ll pick you up outside baggage claim." Michael: "Okay. I’ll see you tonight. I love you." Holly: "I love you too."
Michael: [hangs up and composes himself] Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I’m, I’m gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. [looks at the list of members of the office, with some names crossed out] And I have said goodbye to half of them.
Toby: "Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up." Michael: "[grimaces and nods, Toby nods back at him] Okay." Toby: "[smiling] Okay."
Michael: [walks over to Kelly] Kelly! Kelly? Kelly.
Kelly: "[doing make up and irritated] What?!" Michael: "If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you?" Kelly: "Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice."
Michael: [in Ryan’s office, which is illuminated blue] She was once my girl, and she is your girl now.
Darryl: "That’s sweet Mike. Let’s see here. There’s a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum." Michael: "Mmmhmmm. It’s true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer." Darryl: "No. Can’t let you do that Mike."
Michael: No problem. Worth a try.
Erin: "I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose." Michael: "Maybe neither." Erin: "I’m not attracted to Kevin."
Michael: Erin, listen to me. You shouldn’t rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. [Erin is smiling] And when the right guy comes along, you’ll know it. You will. [kisses her head] And you know what? You don’t need a mom. Because you have my number, and y...
Phyllis: "[on the phone] You want the 27-26 or the 27-30?" Michael: "Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done?" Phyllis: "No. [trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone] I’m on a sale!"
Michael: Listen to me. It’s two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind.
Phyllis: "No. [trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone] I’m on a sale!" Michael: "Listen to me. It’s two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind." Phyllis: "Okay… [Jim gives a knowing look to the camera]"
Michael: Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. [pulls out an envelope from his jacket]
Stanley: "Is that it?" Michael: "Umm, hmm?" Stanley: "Is that it?"
Michael: [the office looks up expectantly] Ummm… Hm… No. [changing his mind] No. There’s a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he’s coming right in. [walks out and then back in, now using a Vietnamese accent] Oh hi everybody, it’s Ping! [the office groans] And I’m here t...
Jim: "[brings Michael into his office] So I’ve been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day." Michael: "[sad] Ohh…" Jim: "What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?"
Michael: [holding back tears] Okay…
Jim: "Wow, so that’s it huh? Just, four o’clock and you are gone for good." Michael: "Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?" Jim: "Absolutely not. It’s just that sometimes… goodbyes are a bitch."
Michael: [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. [starts to cry] You started with this company, as a fine young man…
Jim: "You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch." Michael: "Oh, okay." Jim: "And then tomorrow, I can tell you… what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. [Jim is holding back tears too]"
Michael: [hears a taxi honking] Oh shoot! That’s my cab.
Jim: "Listen Michael, I really… I did text Pam, but…" Michael: "I know, it’s okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright?" Jim: "[shakes Michael’s hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch."
Michael: I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am.
Jim: "[shakes Michael’s hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch." Michael: "I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am." Jim: "[chuckles] You got it."
Michael: Okay… [crosses Jim off his list] Phyllis.