[User]
Andy: "Yeah, yeah."
Michael: "Andy, what’s the problem?"
Andy: "This is hard for me. I’m a nice guy."

[Assistant] Michael: You, Kelly and Creed, Kevin, they believe in you. Don’t let them down. Don’t let yourself down, Andy. I’m gonna go back in. I’m going to stall them for a little bit. I want you to get your head together, and then come back in. I want you to close. [entering conference room] [as Mikanos] What is taking that guy so long?


[User]
Holly: "[with accent] Wonderful seminar!"
Michael: "[as Mikanos] Almost as good as the first day when we first met. You are the love of my life. Come to me, Necropolis. Put your lips on my lips. Come on."
Holly: "Michael, I should get back to work."

[Assistant] Michael: What? Come on. It’s time for grapes. [regular voice] Real fun day.


[User]
Holly: "For what?"
Michael: "You broke up with AJ weeks ago."
Holly: "Don’t you have a sales call to go on?"

[Assistant] Michael: I don’t understand. I really don’t. I mean, we know we are going to start dating. Why not now?


[User]
Holly: "Don’t you have a sales call to go on?"
Michael: "I don’t understand. I really don’t. I mean, we know we are going to start dating. Why not now?"
Holly: "We don’t know that."

[Assistant] Michael: Sure we do.


[User]
Holly: "We don’t know that."
Michael: "Sure we do."
Holly: "Why is it such a certainty that we are supposed to be together?"

[Assistant] Michael: Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.


[User]
Holly: "Why is it such a certainty that we are supposed to be together?"
Michael: "Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody."
Holly: "Michael, I can’t keep getting into a situation where I date whoever I’m working with. Well, you can understand that."

[Assistant] Michael: Yeah, I understand. I just don’t agree.


[User]
Holly: "Michael, I can’t keep getting into a situation where I date whoever I’m working with. Well, you can understand that."
Michael: "Yeah, I understand. I just don’t agree."
Holly: "Well you don’t have to agree."

[Assistant] Michael: Yes I do.


[User]
Holly: "Well you don’t have to agree."
Michael: "Yes I do."
Holly: "No you don’t."

[Assistant] Michael: Yes I do.


[User]
Holly: "No you don’t."
Michael: "Yes I do."
Holly: "No, you can have your own opinion."

[Assistant] Michael: I have my own opinion and my opinion is to disagree with you.


[User]
Jim: "Cheer up. We made a sale."
Michael: "Just drive faster. I want to get back."
Jim: "Well, I’m going the speed limit. So…"

[Assistant] Michael: Okay, fine. My feelings don’t matter to you. What matters to you is your precious speed limit.


[User]
Jim: "Well, I’m going the speed limit. So…"
Michael: "Okay, fine. My feelings don’t matter to you. What matters to you is your precious speed limit."
Jim: "Someone’s in a bad mood."

[Assistant] Michael: No I’m not. I’m not in a bad mood. I’m not, Jim. Hello? Ok fine, ignore me. Have it your way. Let’s just talk about you, as always. Is sex different after the baby, Jim?


[User]
Jim: "Someone’s in a bad mood."
Michael: "No I’m not. I’m not in a bad mood. I’m not, Jim. Hello? Ok fine, ignore me. Have it your way. Let’s just talk about you, as always. Is sex different after the baby, Jim?"
Jim: "Alright, let me turn on some music."

[Assistant] Michael: I need to pee.


[User]
Jim: "Alright, let me turn on some music."
Michael: "I need to pee."
Jim: "No you don’t."

[Assistant] Michael: Yeah, I do. My word against yours.


[User]
Jim: "No you don’t."
Michael: "Yeah, I do. My word against yours."
Jim: "Alright. Well we’ll be there in ten minutes."

[Assistant] Michael: What part of “I need to pee” do you not understand? I’m upset. My bladder is full. There is no telling what I might do right now all over the inside of your precious little car.


[User]
Jim: "Alright. Well we’ll be there in ten minutes."
Michael: "What part of “I need to pee” do you not understand? I’m upset. My bladder is full. There is no telling what I might do right now all over the inside of your precious little car."
Jim: "Alright, Well if I see a gas station, I’ll pull over."

[Assistant] Michael: Well I hope I make it.


[User]
Attendant: "No, he ditched you man. I saw him drive away."
Michael: "There is no way he ditched me. There is no way that happened. He’s my… Ok. May I please just use your phone? Please!"
Attendant: "Just make it quick."

[Assistant] Michael: Ok. I will make it quick. I will make it very quick. [opens phone] And you don’t have my numbers on speed dial. Ah, Ok. What is it?


[User]
Attendant: "Just make it quick."
Michael: "Ok. I will make it quick. I will make it very quick. [opens phone] And you don’t have my numbers on speed dial. Ah, Ok. What is it?"
Attendant: "You don’t know it."

[Assistant] Michael: You know what, I can dial 411, get Jim’s number.


[User]
Attendant: "You don’t know it."
Michael: "You know what, I can dial 411, get Jim’s number."
Attendant: "He left you here on purpose. All right? I saw it. He just drove away."

[Assistant] Michael: Actually this is good. I am going to take this opportunity to go walk-about. Good. Good. [to cameras] Nope, get away. No, that’s enough. Ok.


[User]
Hot Dog Guy: "I can’t just go giving away hot dogs."
Michael: "All right. What do you do with the hog dogs that you don’t sell?"
Hot Dog Guy: "Throw ’em away."

[Assistant] Michael: Well, okay, instead of throwing them all away later, why don’t you just throw one away now into my mouth?


[User]
Waiter: "No problem."
Michael: "Okay. I’ll be right back. [goes to leave but walks back]. Okay. You know what? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t have my wallet and I was gonna try to dine and dash and that was stupid and I realize I can’t do that to you fine people."
Waiter: "So you can’t pay for your food?"

[Assistant] Michael: Well I can, but I will have to come back later tonight and pay you. But the point is I did the right thing.


[User]
Waiter: "So you can’t pay for your food?"
Michael: "Well I can, but I will have to come back later tonight and pay you. But the point is I did the right thing."
Waiter: "You did not. You have no money. And you dined so much."

[Assistant] Michael: Well the number three is not such a giant feast.


[User]
Waiter: "You were trying to steal food from us?"
Michael: "I am not. I just have had a bad day.  And I… okay. I’ll be back later with the money. I’m just gonna leave right now."
Waiter: "You can’t. We’ll stop you."

[Assistant] Michael: Well, I think I can get through the door.


[User]
Holly: "[walks to the roof of a building and spots Michael] Michael?"
Michael: "Hi. [laughs] How did you know I was up here?"
Holly: "What are you doing up here?"

[Assistant] Michael: I got turned around. I thought I could see Dunder Mifflin.


[User]
Holly: "What are you doing up here?"
Michael: "I got turned around. I thought I could see Dunder Mifflin."
Holly: "Dunder Mifflin."

[Assistant] Michael: Yeah. [laughs] Wow. I just miss you so much.


[User]
Holly: "Sorry to interrupt. Forgot to collect my things."
Michael: "Ah, the old “leave behind.” Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it’s working."
Holly: "Oh, no. Michael, I don’t want to make people uncomfortable."

[Assistant] Michael: Since when is comfort the most important thing? I mean, I don’t… I don’t sit on your lap because it’s comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt.


[User]
Holly: "Oh, no. Michael, I don’t want to make people uncomfortable."
Michael: "Since when is comfort the most important thing? I mean, I don’t… I don’t sit on your lap because it’s comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt."
Holly: "Yeah, but if they’re uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable."

[Assistant] Michael: Oh. Okay. Well, if it makes you uncomfortable, then we’ll stop.


[User]
Holly: "Two people in love?"
Michael: "I love you."
Holly: "Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you love me? We’ve only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, “oh, hey, there’s Holly. I love that girl.” Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me?"

[Assistant] Michael: I love you-love you.


[User]
Holly: "Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you love me? We’ve only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, “oh, hey, there’s Holly. I love that girl.” Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me?"
Michael: "I love you-love you."
Holly: "Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you. [both laugh]"

[Assistant] Michael: I am really disappointed in the office’s policy on PDA at this moment. I love you. [shakes Holly’s hand]


[User]
Holly: "Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you. [both laugh]"
Michael: "I am really disappointed in the office’s policy on PDA at this moment. I love you. [shakes Holly’s hand]"
Holly: "I love you."

[Assistant] Michael: Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me.


[User]
Holly: "No, don’t touch."
Michael: "No, we can’t."
Holly: "No touching."

[Assistant] Michael: No touching. Ah, I’m trying not to touch you.


[User]
Holly: "Almost got you."
Michael: "Oh, no, so close. Oh. No, we can’t do that. We can’t do this. Ohh."
Holly: "You’re not touching me."

[Assistant] Michael: I don’t know what your body feels like ’cause I can’t touch it.


[User]
Holly: "Give me all your money and take off your clothes."
Michael: "We’re not supposed to PDA."
Holly: "Come one. Nobody’s looking. What’s wrong?"

[Assistant] Michael: I haven’t thought about you having to go back to Nashua.


[User]
Holly: "Come one. Nobody’s looking. What’s wrong?"
Michael: "I haven’t thought about you having to go back to Nashua."
Holly: "Maybe we didn’t want to think about it. We can make it work. We’ll date long-distance."

[Assistant] Michael: That’s what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How’s this gonna be any different?


[User]
Holly: "Maybe we didn’t want to think about it. We can make it work. We’ll date long-distance."
Michael: "That’s what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How’s this gonna be any different?"
Holly: "We weren’t in love last time."

[Assistant] Michael: I was in love with you.


[User]
Dwight: "Just hush."
Michael: "Sexual time bomb."
Dwight: "Just rock. Shh."

[Assistant] Michael: [into recorder] Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.


[User]
Dwight: "Just rock. Shh."
Michael: "[into recorder] Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera."
Dwight: "Movie idea?"

[Assistant] Michael: No. [into recorder] Saving the world has never been this hard.


[User]
Dwight: "Movie idea?"
Michael: "No. [into recorder] Saving the world has never been this hard."
Dwight: "Okay. Shh. Have you talked to her about your feelings? Women really go for that crap."

[Assistant] Michael: No, I can’t talk to her. I can’t even look at her without thinking about it ending.


[User]
Dwight: "I don’t know."
Michael: "Do the monkey face."
Dwight: "Do the monkey face!"

[Assistant] Michael: I love that. I love that face.


[User]
Dwight: "Do the monkey face!"
Michael: "I love that. I love that face."
Dwight: "Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down."

[Assistant] Michael: No. The monkey!


[User]
Dwight: "Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down."
Michael: "No. The monkey!"
Dwight: "Go back to the monkey!"

[Assistant] Michael: Don’t do the squirrel. Throw your poop.


[User]
Dwight: "Go back to the monkey!"
Michael: "Don’t do the squirrel. Throw your poop."
Dwight: "Hurl your feces."

[Assistant] Michael: That’s good.


[User]
Holly: "What? What are you talking about?"
Michael: "Actually, it’s Valentine’s Day. Shouldn’t be doing this today. I’ll talk to you tomorrow."
Holly: "No, we’re gonna talk now. You’re not breaking up with me."

[Assistant] Michael: You’re gonna go back to Nashua eventually, and I can’t handle it. So let’s just…let’s…


[User]
Holly: "You never told me you made a movie."
Michael: "Mhmm! It’s got action, it’s got heart, it’s got some bosom."
Holly: "It’s got you."

[Assistant] Michael: It’s got a lot of me.


[User]
Holly: "It’s got you."
Michael: "It’s got a lot of me."
Holly: "[laughs] I can’t wait."

[Assistant] Michael: Ladies and gentleman, Threat Level:


[User]
Samuel: "[crashes cymbals by Michael’s ear]"
Michael: "[lying on bed with a bottle of alcohol] I’m up."
Samuel: "It’s the president. He needs you for a mission."

[Assistant] Michael: Tell him I’m retired.


[User]
Cherokee Jack: "[Creed wearing a tunic and carrying a mop, standing with Michael in front of an ice rink] Mop the ice."
Michael: "I’m not here to learn how to mop, I’m here to learn how to play hockey."
Cherokee Jack: "Mop it. [A montage of Michael mopping the ice awkwardly and using an ab-cruncher, and slowly getting better. After a little while, Cherokee Jack Slams a hockey stick on the ice to stop Michael, then offers it to him] Now take this."

[Assistant] Michael: What am I supposed to do with this?


[User]
Oscar: "Hey, you came in second. Not bad either."
Michael: "I am sorry that I have to do this… [starts choking Oscar to death with his towel]"
Oscar: "Huh…[muffled screaming as he slowly chokes, and eventually dies]"

[Assistant] Michael: I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.


[User]
Billy: "[Andy as a bar tender with  a Brooklyn accent] You don’t looks so good, what’s got ya down?"
Michael: "I got problems Billy. Big problems…"
Billy: "You got problems?! My TV don’t work! I pay thirty bucks a month for the damn satellite what’s-a-whosit, I can’t even get the damn game! Now you tell me, what’s worse than that?"

[Assistant] Michael: [laughs to himself] Don’t ever change Billy. Goldenface is going to blow up the NHL All Star Game tomorrow.


[User]
Billy: "I’m gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows. [to a small boy in overalls] Hey kid! Hit G-9 on the Jukebox!"
Michael: "No Billy, I haven’t done that dance since my wife died."
Billy: "There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn."

[Assistant] Michael: [A funky beat sounds from the Jukebox and Michael starts dancing poorly] Well my name’s Michael Scarn and I’m here to say, I’m about to do The Scarn in a major way. [the bachelorettes and the others in the bar stand up to join him] You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that’s how you do The Scarn! [doing the actions he says to] You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that’s how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that’s how you do The Scarn!


[User]
Holly: "Hey! Good movie."
Michael: "Mmmm, good? Everybody out there says it’s great!"
Holly: "I loved it."

[Assistant] Michael: Did you? What did you love about it?


[User]
Holly: "I loved it."
Michael: "Did you? What did you love about it?"
Holly: "Uhm, I loved that you got to work together with all your friends. Isn’t that great when you can all work together like that?"

[Assistant] Michael: No, no. Holly, this isn’t Ocean’s Eleven, where you get together with all your friends and just have fun and don’t care about how it turns out. What’d you really think, honestly.


[User]
Holly: "Not worried about that."
Michael: "[angrily] It was eleven years, okay? This has been my dream for eleven years, and if you don’t think it’s great than you’re basically saying that you don’t believe in my dream."
Holly: "Wha- It’s your dream and you never even mentioned it before!"

[Assistant] Michael: I talk about a lot of things, Holly! I was eventually gonna get around to my dream! Obviously! Eleven years I could’ve been working on the Scarn Nebulus.


[User]
Holly: "Wha- It’s your dream and you never even mentioned it before!"
Michael: "I talk about a lot of things, Holly! I was eventually gonna get around to my dream! Obviously! Eleven years I could’ve been working on the Scarn Nebulus."
Holly: "Well why do you have to make a movie at all?"

[Assistant] Michael: Because, if I don’t have this, what do I have? I have nothing.


[User]
Holly: "Well why do you have to make a movie at all?"
Michael: "Because, if I don’t have this, what do I have? I have nothing."
Holly: "Really, you can’t think of anything else that you might have?"

[Assistant] Michael: I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again dot-dot-dot. But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie.


[User]
Holly: "Really, you can’t think of anything else that you might have?"
Michael: "I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again dot-dot-dot. But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie."
Holly: "I’m real."

[Assistant] Michael: Yeah, you’re a real pain in the ass. And I’m gonna go watch the movie with people who think it’s great! And I’m sorry I called you a pain in the ass, I’m angry, and I love you.


[User]
Holly: "I’m real."
Michael: "Yeah, you’re a real pain in the ass. And I’m gonna go watch the movie with people who think it’s great! And I’m sorry I called you a pain in the ass, I’m angry, and I love you."
Holly: "I love you too."

[Assistant] Michael: I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I’ve only seen Antz, but I’ll tell you something. What I respect about that man, is that when he was going through all that stuff that came out in the press, about how Antz was just a rip-off of A Bug’s Life, he stayed true to his films.  Or at least the film that I saw which again was Antz. The thing is… I thought Bug’s Life was better, much better. Than Ants. The point is, don’t listen to your critics, listen to your fans.


[User]
Samuel: "Michael! You have to get to that puck before halftime! Or the whole stadium will explode!"
Michael: "I know, it’s a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on!"
Samuel: "Cherokee Jack? Michael he died."

[Assistant] Michael: [crying] This one’s for you Cherokee Jack. [Michael skates into the rink of an already in-play match]


[User]
President: "[on phone] Michael, it’s the president."
Michael: "Hello sir."
President: "I need you for another mission."

[Assistant] Michael: Ugh… [after a little thought] I’m in.


[User]
Todd: "I really though I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women’s houses."
Michael: "Still not seeing the problem here."
Todd: "All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, game-over!"

[Assistant] Michael: It was the best of times, it was the awesomest of times. And now Packer wants to come home. And ohh, look who’s here to sign off on it! My boo, Holly.


[User]
Dwight: "I didn’t order anything."
Michael: "And I don’t have anything for you. But I do wanna talk to you about something. We have been thinking about where Packer should sit… And we can’t just sit around and wait for Creed to die."
Dwight: "Well there’s a lot of seats in the annex."

[Assistant] Michael: So you wouldn’t mind permanently relocating, so that Packer can take this desk here. [Jim looks appalled]


[User]
Holly: "Did Todd tell you to do that?"
Michael: "Yeah, You love him right? [Holly seems unsure] You love him. I can tell."
Holly: "I love you."

[Assistant] Michael: No. Not me, him.


[User]
Holly: "Oh I’m going."
Michael: "Whoa! Look, are you jealous of him? Because you think he’s funnier than you? Oh honey…"
Holly: "I don’t think he’s funnier than me."

[Assistant] Michael: He’s funnier than me.


[User]
Holly: "I don’t think he’s funnier than me."
Michael: "He’s funnier than me."
Holly: "No, he’s not funny at all."

[Assistant] Michael: So I’m less funny than not funny at all?


[User]
Todd: "She asked me, Michael! It would’ve been rude not to answer."
Michael: "You’ve been on the road a long time. And you’ve been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can’t be peeing all over the walls."
Todd: "Michael, can I open the kamomo with you. I’ve been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it’s not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers."

[Assistant] Michael: No it isn’t.


[User]
Todd: "Michael, can I open the kamomo with you. I’ve been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it’s not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers."
Michael: "No it isn’t."
Todd: "You’re right. I gotta watch my behavior."

[Assistant] Michael: Yeah, a little bit.


[User]
Todd: "You’re right. I gotta watch my behavior."
Michael: "Yeah, a little bit."
Todd: "Don’t give up on me."

[Assistant] Michael: I won’t.


[User]
Kevin: "I got a lot of numbers here to put together."
Michael: "Kevin, we know that you are just trying to save face, we know that you are hurt and embarrassed."
Kevin: "That’s silly. If anything, I should be apologizing to Packer. Because we all know I can dish it, as good as I can take it."

[Assistant] Michael: Okay, sweetie, no. You shouldn’t be apologizing to Packer. That doesn’t make any sense. You ready for this? You ready for this? Gentlemen, start your engines.


[User]
Dwight: "He took my desk."
Michael: "Okay, so you’re tricking him into flying to Florida?"
Dwight: "It wasn’t my first choice, Jim had so many better ideas."

[Assistant] Michael: You have to tell him. You have to tell him what you did.


[User]
Dwight: "It wasn’t my first choice, Jim had so many better ideas."
Michael: "You have to tell him. You have to tell him what you did."
Dwight: "No, no, no. That is not part of the plan. That is actually anti-what we’re doing."

[Assistant] Michael: He is my oldest friend, I am going to tell him.


[User]
Todd: "[walking into Michael’s office] You’re looking at the new face of corporate. Gonna put the “ass”, in Tallahassee!"
Michael: "Yes, about that."
Todd: "Well we gotta go out and celebrate, tonight!"

[Assistant] Michael: Well… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.


[User]
Todd: "Well we gotta go out and celebrate, tonight!"
Michael: "Well… I don’t know if that’s a good idea."
Todd: "Do you have a ball and chain?"

[Assistant] Michael: No, nothing like that at all.


[User]
Todd: "I know this stuff can hurt, but I wish someone had said something to me about my ex-wife. All I’m saying is about a month or so, meet me down in Florida, I’ll introduce you to all the local [spanks the air] talent."
Michael: "[thinks a moment] Sounds great."
Todd: "It’s gonna be so good."

[Assistant] Michael: That is. [Jim sees them and looks happy] It’s gonna be awesome. I think you’re really going to enjoy it down there.


[User]
Holly: "I’m sorry about your friend."
Michael: "Nah, he’s an ass."
Holly: "[Brooklyn accent] You ahh."

[Assistant] Michael: [imitating] You ahh.


[User]
Holly: "[Brooklyn accent] You ahh."
Michael: "[imitating] You ahh."
Holly: "What ah you wicked smaht?"

[Assistant] Michael: No you ahh.


[User]
Holly: "What ah you wicked smaht?"
Michael: "No you ahh."
Holly: "Who ahh?"

[Assistant] Michael: [kisses her and speaks normally again] You ahh.


[User]
Holly: "You know we don’t have to sell that if you don’t want to. If it’s a problem with the neon I can have my neon guy take a look."
Michael: "You know it’s really more for a bachelor pad. I just want to get a fair price."
Holly: "Well we could put it in storage… in case."

[Assistant] Michael: In case… in case of what?


[User]
Holly: "Well we could put it in storage… in case."
Michael: "In case… in case of what?"
Holly: "You know… in case if something changes."

[Assistant] Michael: I don’t have an in case. Do you have an in case?


[User]
Pam: "Hi..  I was just coming out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you."
Michael: "Oh, you know what, you have a siphon? I think I’m gonna run out of gas."
Pam: "Why do you need more gas?"

[Assistant] Michael: Well, I’m writing a message.


[User]
Pam: "Why do you need more gas?"
Michael: "Well, I’m writing a message."
Pam: "Is it a good message or a bad message?"

[Assistant] Michael: I’m asking Holly a question in fire.


[User]
Pam: "Michael, you’ve had two ideas today. And one of them was great. And the other one was terrible."
Michael: "I am not in the mood for riddles pam."
Pam: "This is terrible."

[Assistant] Michael: No, this is romantic.


[User]
Pam: "We are a family."
Michael: "I could not have agreed with you more."
Pam: "And I’ve always believed that we should all be involved in everyone’s personal lives, in a very major way."

[Assistant] Michael: Yes. Thank you.


[User]
Pam: "And I’ve always believed that we should all be involved in everyone’s personal lives, in a very major way."
Michael: "Yes. Thank you."
Pam: "So about this proposal thing…"

[Assistant] Michael: No, no, no, no. My minds made up I am not going to change my mind you can’t talk me out of it.


[User]
Jim: "That’s a guarantee."
Michael: "It’s easy enough to get a corpse, you just go to a med school. I already have the ring."
Jim: "Don’t think you need the corpse then."

[Assistant] Michael: Heres the ring.


[User]
Jim: "At a gas station. [oscar laughs]"
Michael: "At a gas station?"
Jim: "Oh it was when she was working in New York so it was halfway between both of us."

[Assistant] Michael: That mush have been a surprise when… at the gas station you proposed.


[User]
Holly: "Look I need to talk to you."
Michael: "Ok it’s because we haven’t sold anything. You know what? We just wait until the end of the day, people get desperate, and they’re gonna pay anything."
Holly: "I think I need to go home to Colorado. My dad isn’t doing so well."

[Assistant] Michael: Oh ok. For how long?


[User]
Holly: "I think I need to go home to Colorado. My dad isn’t doing so well."
Michael: "Oh ok. For how long?"
Holly: "I don’t know."

[Assistant] Michael: Is he alright?


[User]
Holly: "And I was thinking… you know maybe since given our last conversation that we’re both ready… Michael Scott will you.."
Michael: "No, no, shhhhut it. Mhmm. Oh God. Nope, nope, nope."
Holly: "Uh, what?"

[Assistant] Michael: No. I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. Mhm hm. Should have burned this place down when I had the chance.


[User]
Holly: "13 dollars."
Michael: "That’s great and we still have most of our stuff. Good."
Holly: "Listen about earlier …"

[Assistant] Michael: No, no, no, no, lets not talk about that.


[User]
Holly: "Listen about earlier …"
Michael: "No, no, no, no, lets not talk about that."
Holly: "It was wrong to put you in that position and… Michael you are my life now. I’m not going to Colorado."

[Assistant] Michael: Shhhh. Let’s go on a little walk. You know what? I wanna show you some stuff.


[User]
Holly: "I remember."
Michael: "And this is where we first made love. Remember what I tried there?"
Holly: "Michael.. [they both laugh]"

[Assistant] Michael: Through these blinds is where I first saw you, and you had all these boxes, and I thought you were the prettiest mover I had ever seen. And I was sitting at this desk when I called you to tell you that I had herpes and that I was still in love with you and you said that it was over, and that you didn’t love me. Thank goodness none of that was true. Including the herpes.


[User]
Holly: "Mh hmm."
Michael: "We saved a lot of lives that day. That’s where you first met Michael Klump."
Holly: "Oh, I say, I say, I say I sit on you!"

[Assistant] Michael: And right over there is where you found out that Meredith was prostituting herself for Outback steak. And I will never forget that you had the cutest look on your face because you couldn’t believe it, you thought it was so wrong.


[User]
Deangelo: "I’ll drink to that. I’m starting at a company this week."
Michael: "Oh, really?"
Deangelo: "To begginings and endings."

[Assistant] Michael: And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms.


[User]
Deangelo: "To begginings and endings."
Michael: "And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms."
Deangelo: "The moms and the troops."

[Assistant] Michael: Do not tell my fiance I’m drinking on a Wednesday.


[User]
Deangelo: "The moms and the troops."
Michael: "Do not tell my fiance I’m drinking on a Wednesday."
Deangelo: "[laughs] I won’t… I don’t know her."

[Assistant] Michael: I’m moving out to the burbs… actually, I’m moving further than the burbs, I’m moving to Colorado.


[User]
Deangelo: "[laughs] I won’t… I don’t know her."
Michael: "I’m moving out to the burbs… actually, I’m moving further than the burbs, I’m moving to Colorado."
Deangelo: "Colorado! The sunshine state."

[Assistant] Michael: Yep. Don’t mess with Colorado.


[User]
Deangelo: "Colorado! The sunshine state."
Michael: "Yep. Don’t mess with Colorado."
Deangelo: "Doing some skiing?"

[Assistant] Michael: No, no. I don’t want to end up like Sunny Bobo.


[User]
Deangelo: "Doing some skiing?"
Michael: "No, no. I don’t want to end up like Sunny Bobo."
Deangelo: "Well that’s just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead."

[Assistant] Michael: You know, I would like to try the luge, through.


[User]
Deangelo: "Well that’s just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead."
Michael: "You know, I would like to try the luge, through."
Deangelo: "Try it once, you’re hooked. That’s my guess."

[Assistant] Michael: That’s what I’ve heard.


[User]
Deangelo: "Try it once, you’re hooked. That’s my guess."
Michael: "That’s what I’ve heard."
Deangelo: "I’m an olympics nut."

[Assistant] Michael: Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter?


[User]
Deangelo: "You know, it’s funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going."
Michael: "Really? What happened?"
Deangelo: "You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?"

[Assistant] Michael: Oh… wow. The mountains. Where things are.


[User]
Deangelo: "You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?"
Michael: "Oh… wow. The mountains. Where things are."
Deangelo: "That’s the way it goes."

[Assistant] Michael: Man, he is late. I’m gonna call him. Do you mind? I’m sorry. [calls Deangelo, Deangelo’s phone vibrates]


[User]
Deangelo: "That’s the way it goes."
Michael: "Man, he is late. I’m gonna call him. Do you mind? I’m sorry. [calls Deangelo, Deangelo’s phone vibrates]"
Deangelo: "Excuse me. Hello? You running late?"

[Assistant] Michael: No, I’m here. I’m right… I’m at the bar.


[User]
Deangelo: "Excuse me. Hello? You running late?"
Michael: "No, I’m here. I’m right… I’m at the bar."
Deangelo: "I’m at the bar too."

[Assistant] Michael: You are? What bar?


[User]
Deangelo: "I’m at the bar too."
Michael: "You are? What bar?"
Deangelo: "I’m at the bar. The bar that’s located in the lobby of the hotel."

[Assistant] Michael: I… do not see you.


[User]
Deangelo: "I’m at the bar. The bar that’s located in the lobby of the hotel."
Michael: "I… do not see you."
Deangelo: "How long have you…"

[Assistant] Michael: I’m been here about… gosh, over half an hour.


[User]
Deangelo: "How long have you…"
Michael: "I’m been here about… gosh, over half an hour."
Deangelo: "Ok, me too."

[Assistant] Michael: What’re you wearing?


[User]
Deangelo: "Ok, me too."
Michael: "What’re you wearing?"
Deangelo: "I am wearing a grey suit, red tie."

[Assistant] Michael: Are we both at the right place?


[User]
Deangelo: "I am wearing a grey suit, red tie."
Michael: "Are we both at the right place?"
Deangelo: "Which place?"

[Assistant] Michael: I hear your voice.


[User]
Deangelo: "Which place?"
Michael: "I hear your voice."
Deangelo: "I hear your voice, I see your lips moving."

[Assistant] Michael: I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott.


[User]
Deangelo: "I hear your voice, I see your lips moving."
Michael: "I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott."
Deangelo: "Deangelo Vickers."

[Assistant] Michael: Wow… that is insane! [laughter]


[User]
Deangelo: "Deangelo Vickers."
Michael: "Wow… that is insane! [laughter]"
Deangelo: "That is insane, that is the right term. Let’s get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend."

[Assistant] Michael: [entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready?


[User]
Deangelo: "That is insane, that is the right term. Let’s get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend."
Michael: "[entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready?"
Deangelo: "I am ready."

[Assistant] Michael: Alright! Here we go!


[User]
Deangelo: "[blinds roll down, Deangelo waving]"
Michael: "Come on out!"
Deangelo: "Hello! [opens door] How are you sir?"

[Assistant] Michael: I am well, sir, how are you?


[User]
Dwight: "Thanks for meeting me."
Michael: "Are you kidding? I’d come anywhere to see a turtle? Where’d you find him."
Dwight: "There’s no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here."

[Assistant] Michael: You know me very well, Dwight.


[User]
Dwight: "There’s no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here."
Michael: "You know me very well, Dwight."
Dwight: "That’s because I’m your right-hand man, Michael, but I can’t do it again. I can’t do it again for a whole new guy."

[Assistant] Michael: Now I’m gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I’ll be off all day.


[User]
Deangelo: "I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I’ve got to start doing some managing at some point."
Michael: "I know, I know, I’m sorry, but if it’s not a big deal we should just-"
Deangelo: "And it really isn’t."

[Assistant] Michael: Is that good?


[User]
Deangelo: "I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me."
Michael: "[to Erin] Shave me. [walks into office with Deangelo] This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!"
Deangelo: "Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It’s not even close."

[Assistant] Michael: And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael’s face, none on the neck]


[User]
Deangelo: "Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It’s not even close."
Michael: "And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael’s face, none on the neck]"
Deangelo: "Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn’t it?"

[Assistant] Michael: It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.


[User]
Deangelo: "No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable."
Michael: "Oscar, here you go. [throws sandwitch]"
Deangelo: "[uses book to stop the sandwitch’s flight] You’re getting nut particles all in the air!"

[Assistant] Michael: No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.


[User]
Deangelo: "[uses book to stop the sandwitch’s flight] You’re getting nut particles all in the air!"
Michael: "No one had a problem with the air here until you came around."
Deangelo: "[steps into conference room] Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now."

[Assistant] Michael: No, that’s good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. [disgusted comments by co-workers] No body go in there. Stay where you are.


[User]
Deangelo: "[walks out] Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or…?"
Michael: "I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you’ll be fine."
Deangelo: "Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you’re leaving. [extents hands for hug] Bring it in, come on. [Michael doesn’t accept hug] Ok. [walks back]"

[Assistant] Michael: Ok. [hugs Deangelo from behind] Why did you have to be so damn good?


[User]
Deangelo: "Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you’re leaving. [extents hands for hug] Bring it in, come on. [Michael doesn’t accept hug] Ok. [walks back]"
Michael: "Ok. [hugs Deangelo from behind] Why did you have to be so damn good?"
Deangelo: "I… I’m adequete. I’m half as good as you."

[Assistant] Michael: No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it.


[User]
Erin: "Oh hey, didn’t see you."
Michael: "You have big plans for tonight?"
Erin: "I don’t know, maybe volunteer at the shelter, or go to bed, or… I don’t know. Maybe I’m going to the Dundies!! [Flashes her Nomination Certificate]"

[Assistant] Michael: You are getting so funny! [Erin giggles] Very good.


[User]
Dwight: "Just a little announcement folks, remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair."
Michael: "Black tie optional."
Dwight: "Every day is black tie optional!"

[Assistant] Michael: A la, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies!


[User]
Deangelo: "Thank you Michael, uh, but I will have to pass."
Michael: "Think of it as part of your training."
Deangelo: "Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay…"

[Assistant] Michael: [smiling] Okay, well we’ll work on it.


[User]
Deangelo: "Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay…"
Michael: "[smiling] Okay, well we’ll work on it."
Deangelo: "[whispers to Michael] Michael, I’m very, very bad."

[Assistant] Michael: You are doing it.


[User]
Deangelo: "That is true, we do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a-"
Michael: "[cutting him off] Okay, okay. You know what, I didn’t actually lose my keys…"
Deangelo: "This did not happen."

[Assistant] Michael: Mmmmkay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it’s all rat and no tat. Ryan come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay. [Ryan stands next to Michael up front] Ryan how are you today?


[User]
Deangelo: "[laying down, Michael is sitting on DeAngelo’s stomach bouncing up and down in Michael’s office] Me mo. Me mo."
Michael: "Good. Good. Good!"
Deangelo: "Meee Mo, Mee!"

[Assistant] Michael: Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.


[User]
Deangelo: "Meee Mo, Mee!"
Michael: "Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood."
Deangelo: "When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them."

[Assistant] Michael: [getting off his stomach] Too personal. I don’t wanna hear about it. [picking up a portable tape player] Let’s try this. Put these on. [DeAngelo puts the headphones in] I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can’t- [DeAngelo winces] That’s right, you’re not going to be able to hear yourself. Read this, [gives him a card] and make it sound perfect.


[User]
Deangelo: "When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them."
Michael: "[getting off his stomach] Too personal. I don’t wanna hear about it. [picking up a portable tape player] Let’s try this. Put these on. [DeAngelo puts the headphones in] I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can’t- [DeAngelo winces] That’s right, you’re not going to be able to hear yourself. Read this, [gives him a card] and make it sound perfect."
Deangelo: "THE DUNDIES ARE-OW-ABOUT COMING TOGETHER! AND RECOGNIZING, THE ADOMINABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT! [Jim comes and closes the door]"

[Assistant] Michael: Say it with an accent!


[User]
Deangelo: "THE DUNDIES ARE-OW-ABOUT COMING TOGETHER! AND RECOGNIZING, THE ADOMINABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT! [Jim comes and closes the door]"
Michael: "Say it with an accent!"
Deangelo: "[bad Australian accent attempt] THE DUNDIES!"

[Assistant] Michael: [also in a poor Australian accent] The Dundies!


[User]
Deangelo: "Go do it by yourself, get Ryan."
Michael: "No, Ryan would never do it. It’s too on the radar. Look, look. The boss, hosts, the Dundies! It’s sort of our perk!"
Deangelo: "This was not, part of the job description!"

[Assistant] Michael: Listen to me, you’re not doing this for me, you’re not doing this for you, you’re not even doing this for them!


[User]
Deangelo: "This was not, part of the job description!"
Michael: "Listen to me, you’re not doing this for me, you’re not doing this for you, you’re not even doing this for them!"
Deangelo: "Who am I doing this for?"

[Assistant] Michael: [slaps him] You’re doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid’s menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do, is I want you to say: It’s showtime. Get out there.


[User]
Deangelo: "I can’t. [Michael slaps him again]"
Michael: "Say it."
Deangelo: "Stop, hitting me."

[Assistant] Michael: You can do it, just say it.


[User]
Deangelo: "Stop, hitting me."
Michael: "You can do it, just say it."
Deangelo: "Hit me again. [Michael slaps him once more]"

[Assistant] Michael: Now hit me. [DeAngelo slaps him] One, two, three.


[User]
Jim: "Wow! I do not parent for the award but I gotta tell you It feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you’re watching this at home it’s way past your bedtime, by the way how’d this get televised?"
Michael: "Well done."
Jim: "I don’t know maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don’t know, I don’t know. Thank you!"

[Assistant] Michael: Alright. [all applaud Jim]


[User]
Deangelo: "THAT’S WHY IT’S BEEN SHUT DOWN FOR MOST OF THE EVENING…"
Michael: "[stopping Manager] DeAngelo is expressing himself. [manager pulls the microphone cable, everyone can still here DeAngelo."
Deangelo: "This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It’s so much lighter!"

[Assistant] Michael: Okay, we’re done! That’s it.


[User]
Deangelo: "This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It’s so much lighter!"
Michael: "Okay, we’re done! That’s it."
Deangelo: "Michael, are we?!"

[Assistant] Michael: We’re done. We’re done!


[User]
Jim: "I don’t know that we need to dissect it all now, but-"
Michael: "That got a big laugh."
Jim: "That did. Pretty huge laugh."

[Assistant] Michael: [to Stanley, who is cracking up again] You were laughing right?


[User]
Dwight: "I’ve got a treat for you!"
Michael: "Ahh, thank you. Like a butler."
Dwight: "Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters."

[Assistant] Michael: [Michael takes one and bites] Oh, these do not taste like oysters.


[User]
Dwight: "Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters."
Michael: "[Michael takes one and bites] Oh, these do not taste like oysters."
Dwight: "[angrily] That’s because they’re Not oysters, they’re bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! [Michael spits it out] Hah!"

[Assistant] Michael: Sick freak! What is wrong with you?


[User]
Dwight: "[angrily] That’s because they’re Not oysters, they’re bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! [Michael spits it out] Hah!"
Michael: "Sick freak! What is wrong with you?"
Dwight: "What is wrong with you? I’m the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn’t recommend me?!"

[Assistant] Michael: I don’t own Dunder Mifflin, okay? [Dwight scoffs] The job was not mine to give. [sighs] Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies.


[User]
Dwight: "What is wrong with you? I’m the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn’t recommend me?!"
Michael: "I don’t own Dunder Mifflin, okay? [Dwight scoffs] The job was not mine to give. [sighs] Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies."
Dwight: "Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?"

[Assistant] Michael: Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket…


[User]
Dwight: "Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?"
Michael: "Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket…"
Dwight: "Great idea."

[Assistant] Michael: …in order to feed the bears.


[User]
Dwight: "Great idea."
Michael: "…in order to feed the bears."
Dwight: "Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!"

[Assistant] Michael: How do you mean?


[User]
Dwight: "Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!"
Michael: "How do you mean?"
Dwight: "Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? [Michael nods in agreement] You’re like a giant walking salami!"

[Assistant] Michael: Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?


[User]
Deangelo: "I mean you don’t have a job lined up, so it’s not like you have a desk to put ’em on."
Michael: "Well I have interviews."
Deangelo: "That’s nice. [reaches and a grabs a toy truck] How ’bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might… glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. [Michael gives an obviously fake smile] You okay?"

[Assistant] Michael: Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure.


[User]
Deangelo: "That’s nice. [reaches and a grabs a toy truck] How ’bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might… glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. [Michael gives an obviously fake smile] You okay?"
Michael: "Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure."
Deangelo: "You know what? Uh, it’s your last couple days, I’m gonna get out of your hair."

[Assistant] Michael: Oh you don’t, that’s-


[User]
Deangelo: "You know what? Uh, it’s your last couple days, I’m gonna get out of your hair."
Michael: "Oh you don’t, that’s-"
Deangelo: "I will be in the break room."

[Assistant] Michael: That sounds good. Thank you.


[User]
Deangelo: "I will be in the break room."
Michael: "That sounds good. Thank you."
Deangelo: "Dead man walking."

[Assistant] Michael: Sad? No, no, no. I don’t leave ’til tomorrow, so… Tomorrow I will be a wreck.


[User]
Pam: "[surprised] Okay."
Michael: "Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright?"
Pam: "Should we get toppings?"

[Assistant] Michael: What do you like Pam?


[User]
Pam: "Should we get toppings?"
Michael: "What do you like Pam?"
Pam: "[confused] What?"

[Assistant] Michael: What kind of toppings would you like?


[User]
Pam: "[confused] What?"
Michael: "What kind of toppings would you like?"
Pam: "Hot fudge?"

[Assistant] Michael: Sounds good. Fudge it up! [all seem surprised at Michael’s behavior]


[User]
Phyllis: "It’s almost done, but you can’t get them wet, and they can’t be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool."
Michael: "[hesitantly] Sounds great, I just think it’s great. Oh, I have gifts as well! [goes into his office and comes out with a bag] And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don’t often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind. [presents to her a mouth wind-up chattering toy]"
Phyllis: "It’s cute. [plays with it]"

[Assistant] Michael: Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. [gives Stanley a small felt table] May you never lose the fun loving quality in life.


[User]
Andy: "I’m gonna lose ’em."
Michael: "You’re not gonna lose them."
Andy: "I promise you that I will."

[Assistant] Michael: Just do your best! I have faith in you.


[User]
Angela: "Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading."
Michael: "Who’s that? Who’s that guy? [points to second guy in the pictures]"
Angela: "Oh, that’s Thomas, Robert’s aide."

[Assistant] Michael: I guess this could be the one, huh?


[User]
Holly: "[on phone] Hello there!"
Michael: "Hi. What is the name of our town?"
Holly: "Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

[Assistant] Michael: No, no. I just needed to hear your voice.


[User]
Holly: "Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
Michael: "No, no. I just needed to hear your voice."
Holly: "[Yoda voice] Oh you mean this?"

[Assistant] Michael: [laughing] Yes. [Olive Oyl impression] Yes my hero!


[User]
Holly: "[Yoda voice] Oh you mean this?"
Michael: "[laughing] Yes. [Olive Oyl impression] Yes my hero!"
Holly: "[deep man voice] I’ll pay the rent! [Michael laughs] Okay, my mom’s looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It’s a joke mom!"

[Assistant] Michael: [laughing] Ohh, I miss you.


[User]
Holly: "[deep man voice] I’ll pay the rent! [Michael laughs] Okay, my mom’s looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It’s a joke mom!"
Michael: "[laughing] Ohh, I miss you."
Holly: "Well I’ll see you tonight. I’ll pick you up outside baggage claim."

[Assistant] Michael: Okay. I’ll see you tonight. I love you.


[User]
Holly: "Well I’ll see you tonight. I’ll pick you up outside baggage claim."
Michael: "Okay. I’ll see you tonight. I love you."
Holly: "I love you too."

[Assistant] Michael: [hangs up and composes himself] Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I’m, I’m gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. [looks at the list of members of the office, with some names crossed out] And I have said goodbye to half of them.


[User]
Toby: "Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up."
Michael: "[grimaces and nods, Toby nods back at him] Okay."
Toby: "[smiling] Okay."

[Assistant] Michael: [walks over to Kelly] Kelly! Kelly? Kelly.


[User]
Kelly: "[doing make up and irritated] What?!"
Michael: "If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you?"
Kelly: "Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice."

[Assistant] Michael: [in Ryan’s office, which is illuminated blue] She was once my girl, and she is your girl now.


[User]
Darryl: "That’s sweet Mike. Let’s see here. There’s a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum."
Michael: "Mmmhmmm. It’s true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer."
Darryl: "No. Can’t let you do that Mike."

[Assistant] Michael: No problem. Worth a try.


[User]
Erin: "I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose."
Michael: "Maybe neither."
Erin: "I’m not attracted to Kevin."

[Assistant] Michael: Erin, listen to me. You shouldn’t rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. [Erin is smiling] And when the right guy comes along, you’ll know it. You will. [kisses her head] And you know what? You don’t need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime.


[User]
Phyllis: "[on the phone] You want the 27-26 or the 27-30?"
Michael: "Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done?"
Phyllis: "No. [trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone] I’m on a sale!"

[Assistant] Michael: Listen to me. It’s two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind.


[User]
Phyllis: "No. [trying to finish her sale when Michael hangs up the phone] I’m on a sale!"
Michael: "Listen to me. It’s two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind."
Phyllis: "Okay… [Jim gives a knowing look to the camera]"

[Assistant] Michael: Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow. [pulls out an envelope from his jacket]


[User]
Stanley: "Is that it?"
Michael: "Umm, hmm?"
Stanley: "Is that it?"

[Assistant] Michael: [the office looks up expectantly] Ummm… Hm… No. [changing his mind] No. There’s a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he’s coming right in. [walks out and then back in, now using a Vietnamese accent] Oh hi everybody, it’s Ping! [the office groans] And I’m here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You’ve been so wonderful! [only Kevin is laughing. Stanley tries to leave. Michael hugs him] I ruv you all! I ruv you very much!


[User]
Jim: "[brings Michael into his office] So I’ve been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day."
Michael: "[sad] Ohh…"
Jim: "What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?"

[Assistant] Michael: [holding back tears] Okay…


[User]
Jim: "Wow, so that’s it huh? Just, four o’clock and you are gone for good."
Michael: "Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?"
Jim: "Absolutely not. It’s just that sometimes… goodbyes are a bitch."

[Assistant] Michael: [pulls out a recorder and speaks softly into it] T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. [starts to cry] You started with this company, as a fine young man…


[User]
Jim: "You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch."
Michael: "Oh, okay."
Jim: "And then tomorrow, I can tell you… what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had. [Jim is holding back tears too]"

[Assistant] Michael: [hears a taxi honking] Oh shoot! That’s my cab.


[User]
Jim: "Listen Michael, I really… I did text Pam, but…"
Michael: "I know, it’s okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright?"
Jim: "[shakes Michael’s hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch."

[Assistant] Michael: I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am.


[User]
Jim: "[shakes Michael’s hand] I will see you, tomorrow at lunch."
Michael: "I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am."
Jim: "[chuckles] You got it."

[Assistant] Michael: Okay… [crosses Jim off his list] Phyllis.